


hard to find

by mysoulrunswithwolves



Series: flames on my skin [3]
Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Dancer Kim Jongin | Kai, Idol Lee Taemin, Kissing, M/M, inaccurate descriptions of SM entertainment probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17065541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysoulrunswithwolves/pseuds/mysoulrunswithwolves
Summary: Jongin found himself slipping into a bit of a daze, watching Taemin move with effortless grace and realizing, upon further reflection, that what happened next between them was mostly up to Taemin. He was the one with the identity and image to protect, a very public career that he clearly loved a lot, and it wasn’t Jongin’s place to jeopardize that. Not that he ever would. He recalled how Taemin had said a few days ago that he trusted Jongin, and how he had allowed Jongin to kiss him again after promising to keep his eyes shut.





	hard to find

**Author's Note:**

> I'm like a demon possessed I don't know where all this is coming from but here *throws fic at you* enjoy

Jongin didn’t know what to do.

After the momentary flash of shock on Taemin’s face when they’d seen each other, he was acting like nothing was the matter and before Jongin could really center himself Yixing was starting practice.

“Okay guys, let’s run everything through a few times.” Yixing looked at him. “Jongin, I’ll go over everything with you at a later time, but for now just try and follow along and pick up what you can. You’ll see the missing spots in the choreo where you’ll be, so jump in if you feel confident.”

Jongin nodded at him before watching the dancers gather. In the next hour he watched Taemin and his dancers run through all of his stages from this year, including the frightfully complex choreography for _Drip Drop._ It looked like they were just running it thorough for the sake of keeping it fresh, because once they were finished with that Yixing clapped his hands and said, “Okay, let’s move on to the stuff for the new album.”

Jongin perked up.

Yixing went through the choreography much slower for the new songs _,_ and it was clear that many of the dancers hadn’t learned it completely yet. Jongin stayed at the back of the room, consciously keeping at least two dancers between himself and Taemin when he could manage to. Learning the choreography kept his mind focused enough that he wasn’t freaking out, not yet, but he knew the moment he had a chance to think things were going to get interesting.

But for now, he focused on picking up as much as he could. Another hour passed like that, with Jongin frantically trying to memorize choreography as quickly as he ever had before. He didn’t have it completely when Yixing called for a ten minute break, but Jongin felt much better about things than he had during the first hour. The more he could pick up, the less he’d have to keep others to teach him.

He didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Jongin sat at the back of the room during the break, drinking from his water bottle and watching Taemin as he talked and laughed with some of the other dancers, sipping from his own bottle. He didn’t have much time left of the break, but he wasn’t going to try and say something to Taemin if he didn’t initiate it first.

Jongin had known after their first encounter that he was dealing with someone famous, and he’d been even more sure during their second. Seeing Taemin today and having it confirmed that yes, Taemin was the stranger he’d been kissing in dark corners of clubs, honestly didn’t make much of a difference to Jongin. The only thing that was different now was that he had a name and a face, not just a pair of entrancing eyes.

Yixing clapped his hands together, getting everyone’s attention and pulling Jongin from his thoughts. “Taemin, I want to run through _Goodbye_ and _Flame of Love,_ since you’re still performing stages of those. Are you okay to do that?”

“Of course.” Taemin rolled his neck, shrugging his shoulders and loosening up.

“Everyone else take a seat, stretch and stay warm while we run this,” Yixing instructed, smiling slightly.

Taemin took his position in the center of the room while Yixing moved to the speakers to start the music, and Jongin was suddenly reminded that while he hadn’t yet seen or heard _Flame of Love,_ _Goodbye_ was an entirely solo stage and he was about to see Taemin in action, in the flesh.

Taemin was a revelation. Sure, Jongin had seen stages of _Goodbye_ here and there, but witnessing it in person instead of through a screen was something else entirely. Taemin was wearing a pair of joggers and a loose tank top, clothes that he could move easily in but that also gave Jongin a great view of the muscles in his arms and shoulders as he moved through the choreography.

Jongin found himself slipping into a bit of a daze, watching Taemin move with effortless grace and realizing, upon further reflection, that what happened next between them was mostly up to Taemin. He was the one with the identity and image to protect, a very public career that he clearly loved a lot, and it wasn’t Jongin’s place to jeopardize that. Not that he ever would. He recalled how Taemin had said a few days ago that he trusted Jongin, and how he had allowed Jongin to kiss him again after promising to keep his eyes shut.

And Jongin had kept that promise, had proved to Taemin that he was someone he could trust. He had to believe that if Taemin wanted to talk to him he would, and leave it be in the meantime. However, currently Taemin was making that difficult for him because Jongin couldn’t look away from the lines of his body, the way he flowed between the beats like water, the sweat dripping down his neck and darkening the collar of his shirt.

Every part of Taemin’s being was engaged in the dance, his whole soul an active participant, and Jongin was hopelessly attracted to him, feeling want building up inside him. Taemin was captivating, passionate, and breathtaking. Jongin took a long pull from his water bottle, mostly for something to do, because if every practice was going to be like this waiting was going to become very, very difficult.

 

By the end of the week Taemin still hadn’t approached him, and Jongin wasn’t always great at understanding the behaviors of others but he could still tell that Taemin was avoiding him. He was so subtle about it that if they didn’t have the history between them that they did, he wouldn’t even notice it. Sure, Taemin greeted him at the beginning of practices like he did all the other dancers, polite smiles and soft hellos. But he would subtly shift away if Jongin was near, or his eyes would slide over him as he looked at the dancers in the mirror.

He knew why Taemin was acting the way he was, or at least he thought he did. Taemin was probably unsure how to react when he’d gone to great lengths both times they’d met to keep himself anonymous. It was clear that he hadn’t planned on being outed so suddenly, so Jongin was determined to give him the time and space he needed.

But it was torture.

Because every dance practice with Taemin reminded him of dancing with him, what it had felt like to have those sinuous hips rolling into his, how it had felt to hold Taemin’s tight, fit body in his arms—however briefly—and tangle his fingers in his hair.

Sometimes he thought he felt Taemin’s eyes lingering on him in the mirrors, studying him as he danced, but every time he glanced over Taemin was looking elsewhere, focused on his own steps.

And another thing. His extra sessions with Yixing, however exhausting, were definitely paying off because he was now able to run the dances in formation with the others, putting him in even closer proximity to Taemin.

The temptation to just slide behind Taemin and move their bodies together, run his hands over the lean planes of his body and kiss at his neck was nearly overpowering at times, and Jongin didn’t know how he was going to survive, honestly. Taemin was like his own personal nightmare disguised as a daydream and he couldn’t dismiss the desire that flooded through him every time he watched him dance.

He would give Taemin the weekend to reach out to him before he tried approaching him. But something needed to be done, if only for his own sanity.

 

 

Jongin stared at his phone, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as his screen timed out and went black. He didn’t know what the right move was, but he knew he wanted to say _something,_ it was just a matter of writing the right words.

“You okay?”

Jongin looked up. Sehun was sitting on their couch writing a paper, concern on his face as he watched Jongin stare at his phone. He realized, rather suddenly, that he’d been standing in the middle of the room for who knew how long, lost in thought.

“Uh.” Jongin didn’t know how to answer that, honestly. Objectively everything was fine. He had a job he loved, he was almost done with school, he knew where he was going with life. But at the same time, everything was terrifyingly complicated now. “Mostly?”

Sehun closed his laptop and set it aside, patting the cushion next to him and motioning Jongin over. “Talk to me, what’s up?”

Jongin sat and waffled for a moment, deciding how much he should tell Sehun. “I met this guy, when I was in Busan.” He paused, continuing when Sehun gestured for him to go on. “He never told me his name, didn’t really speak, and was wearing a mask to cover most of his face, but he kissed me in a dark hallway and then slipped his number into my pocket before he left.”

Sehun had an eyebrow quirked, his expression a mix of amusement and concern. “So, is that who you met up with last weekend?”

“Yeah. He had a mask on again and has never told me his name, so I figured there was a chance I was dealing with someone famous, but I didn’t expect to see him at SM.”

Sehun’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, he’s actually an idol? And you’re sure he’s with SM.”

“I’m sure. Anyway, I don’t know what I should do. He hasn’t approached me and I don’t want to push him because I don’t think he ever wanted me to know who he was, at least not yet.” He sighed.

“But you want him, don’t you?” It was more of an observation on Sehun’s part than an actual question.

“I want to talk to him. I want him to know that he can trust me, that he doesn’t have to be afraid of me.”

Sehun tilted his head in thought. “Then text him. Tell him as much or ask to meet so you can talk about things. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, especially if you really like him. It’ll be worth it to clear up any miscommunication now before it can grow into something worse.”

“You’re right,” Jongin agreed, opening up his phone right then to message Taemin. “I want to clear this up sooner rather than later. Thanks Sehun.”

Sehun waited to say anything until Jongin had sent off his message, a simple thing asking if they could meet. “If you’re really grateful, help me finish my paper?”

Jongin laughed, already feeling much better about the situation, and agreed easily.

 

Taemin replied to his text and agreed to meet so they could talk on Monday, then cancelled an hour before they’d planned to meet before dance practice saying that something had come up. Jongin hadn’t thought much of it, assuming that Taemin’s life was probably fairly unpredictable and had simply suggested another day and time, satisfied when Taemin agreed.

Except he’d cancelled that time, too.

Resorting to more drastic measures Jongin, quite literally, pulled Taemin into a empty vocal room as he passed by after practice the next day because they needed to talk and Taemin had cancelled twice and Jongin was out of patience.

“What are you—Jongin!” Taemin gaped at him as he locked the door behind him.

“Glad to know you remember my name,” Jongin said lightly. It was setting in now, the realization that this is the first time they’d been alone together since their tryst at the club.

Across from him Taemin opened his mouth, then closed it. Blinked twice. “What are you doing, Jongin?”

“I think we should talk, and you’ve blown me off twice now.” He crossed his arms, trying to be assertive enough that Taemin would talk to him, but not so much so that he scared him off.

Taemin’s mouth twisted for a moment as he stared up at Jongin, his mouth pressing into a firm line. Finally, he said, “I know we should talk, but I don’t know what to say.”

Jongin nodded. He’d wondered if that was part of the problem.

“And I’m scared, I guess,” Taemin continued, before Jongin could say anything.

“Scared? Of what?” Jongin had expected him to be nervous, hesitant, but he hadn’t anticipated him feeling scared.

Taemin looked down at his shoes. “Of you. Or, specifically, of what you might do now that you knew who I was.”

“You said, the weekend that we went out, that you trusted me.” He waited until Taemin looked at him before going on. “Do you still trust me?”

He sighed, looking off to the side for a moment. “I want to,” he whispered, finally glancing back at Jongin. “But I have an image to maintain, fans to please, and with everything that’s happened between us it would be so easy for you to ruin that.” He noticed the hurt look on Jongin’s face and quickly added. “I didn’t want to think you capable of something like that, but after so many years of doing this I’ve learned to be careful of who I trust.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It was easy, when I could keep my face hidden and minimize risk while still being able to have what I wanted, but now...”

“Now I know your face, and the risks are much higher.”

“Exactly.”

Jongin mulled over his words for a moment before stepping closer. They hadn’t been standing far apart to begin with, and now they were close enough that the electricity, the tension between them was humming, filling the room. “You can trust me, Taemin. I’m not trying to ruin your life or career. I’m just hoping you won’t shut me out entirely, that at the very least we can be friends.”

Taemin nodded, his eyes going unfocused and distant as he stared at Jongin’s chest. Finally, after a moment that felt much longer, Taemin asked, “And if I want to be more than friends?”

Jongin’s breath caught at the words, his heart stopping altogether when Taemin’s eyes flicked up to catch and hold his gaze with a searing, intense heat behind his eyes. “What then?”

“If that’s what you wanted,” Jongin began, bringing a hand up to grip lightly at Taemin’s bicep, “then I might have to kiss you.” He leaned in slightly, holding Taemin’s stare, drowning in deep pools of brown.

Taemin’s eyelids fluttered, his lips parting slightly. “Please.”

Jongin didn’t have time to do anything, though, because Taemin threw his arms around Jongin’s neck and kissed him, deeply, intensely, passionately.

And it was _so_ much better than the two times before, if only because he _knew_ who it was he was kissing, and Taemin was no longer afraid to make noise for fear of being recognized, and Jongin drank up every whimper and moan that fell from Taemin’s lips with his own.

He wrapped his own arms around Taemin’s waist, pulling him flush against him and slowing the desperate pace of their kiss into something tender around the edges so that he could just...take his time kissing Taemin.

“Please,” he said between long, slow kisses, “don’t shut me out.” He pressed soft kisses into his cheek, his neck, moving to nuzzle under his jaw and nip lightly at the skin there. “I know it’ll be hard and scary, and I’m not asking to know all your secrets at once, but I want to get to know you; I have since the first time you kissed me.” Another slow, easy glide of their lips together. “Give me a chance?”

Taemin sank his fingers into Jongin’s hair, tilting his head and deepening the kiss, the headiness of it making Jongin clutch at his shirt, digging his fingers into Taemin’s waist to ground himself. “Okay,” he breathed against Jongin’s lips, licking past them gently. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! let me know what you think in the comments huhuhu
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_xKikix). Please scream at me about taekai apparently it's all i know right now
> 
> A huge thank you to all my friends for bearing with me as i implode with taekai feels. You guys are the best and I couldn't do it without you guys to ground me <3


End file.
